I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
