I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
