i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
