my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
