It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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