on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
