I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
