the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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