Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize