I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
