You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
