I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
