i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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