If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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