My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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