I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
