Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
3pm strippers are depressing
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
