I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
