I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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