Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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