Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
