What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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