Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
