so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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