so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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