The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
