he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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