yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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