i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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