It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
