I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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