sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize