I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
