Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
