I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
