Don't you send me to vm
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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