o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize