I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
