Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
