never play flip cup with pint glasses
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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