David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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