Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
