he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
