i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
