You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
