Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
