Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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