i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
