You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
