marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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