i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
