Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
