Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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