What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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