stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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