watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
