whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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