I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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