So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
