you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize