i don't like sucking hair
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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