I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize