lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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